Kelly Twomey- Smartest Man Alive (Super Bowl & NFL Predictions Review)

IT'S A CELEBRATION!

But wait, what are we celebrating? Um, how about the fact that I am the smartest man alive! That's right, some men boldly talk about making history, but on September 11th, 2009 I boldly made the future. Then things got kind of confusing when I thought about how I predicted the future very far in the past, and for a brief time it wasn't the future at all anymore, but the present, and now it's definitely the past.

"Who absolutely nailed his preseason predictions? Awww yeah, this guy did!" (he's pointing at me, because I wrote this. It doesn't work the same the other way around I guess)

Are you following along? If so, how much have you had to drink tonight? Well put down your beer, because we're going to start this thing off from the beginning.

My morning started where all of the day's madness began- the two best quarterbacks in the Super Bowl, Drew Brees for the Saints and Curtis Painter for the Colts, are both Purdue alumni, and that's where the adventure starts (in a decision almost nobody understands, the Colts bypassed the Boilermaker in favor of some jerk from the University of Tennessee. Funny, for a guy who represented the Volunteers, he sure seems to have quite a large salary). I pulled on my Drew Brees Saints t-shirt and headed to Indianapolis Airport in the hopes of making it back to North Carolina in time for kickoff. What followed was a firm open palmed slap in the testicles by karma.

Drew Brees is such a class act. Even he couldn't believe how long my flight was delayed!

First my flight was delayed two hours because we were waiting for a flight attendant. That's all. The plane was there, the pilots were there, everything was fueled up, de-iced and ready to rock, aside from the flight attendant. The flight was actually so short that there wasn't even a drink cart. The delay was the equivalent of the Saints choosing to forfeit the Super Bowl because their punter was hurt. Actually, that's incorrect. The punter is like the co-pilot: only there if/when something goes wrong, but provides a valuable skill. Instead, our plane got delayed because we had to wait for someone who had to tell everyone how to put on a seatbelt (though knowing my surroundings, I shouldn't say that task was a foregone conclusion. The woman sitting next to me was wearing an Indiana University sweatshirt, and the whole buckling process was really wearing away at her. She was struggling). That would be like the Colts calling the whole day off because their equipment manager overslept his wakeup call at the hotel. (Please feel free to correct me if I underestimate the importance of flight attendants. I travel enough to know the difference between a good one and a bad one, but it's possible I don't know exactly what their jobs entail. Which is just fine because I don't really know what my job entails either, and I've been there for like 5 months now)

To say that the Indy airport had quite a few Colts jerseys being worn would be quite a ridiculous understatement. The thing that had me confused is that quite a few people had what I can only assume were poorly-made counterfeit knockoff jerseys. They improperly spelled everyone's favorite player's name as "Addai" which is missing quite a few necessary components of spelling "Manning," and they were adorned with the number 29 as opposed to 18. It took me a while, but a friendly traveler was able to explain to me that Joseph Addai is a Colts' running back, a position I wasn't even aware they employed.

But that's about when my interactions with Colts fans turned sour. The friendly TSA agent did not like the fleur-de-lis on my shirt and decided I needed an extra security scan (unfairly profiled air travelers everywhere, I now feel your pain). She made some awful joke about how it looked like the "Boy Scouts Logo" because she apparently was going for her merit badge in "Being a Bitch But Trying To Lighten The Mood Just a Little Bit By Sucking At Humor."

This is the symbol used by people who want to celebrate their heritage and note the fact that they live in an area formerly settled by people of French descent (or so says Wikipedia)

This is the logo used by suburban parents who want to send their young sons off into the woods to get molested by a near-stranger, or worse, a friend's father (or so says one of the few Eagle scouts I know)

If you asked just about any Colts fan, that game was over before it had even started. Drew Brees was a nobody, the Saints couldn't play defense, the Colts were apparently being staked a 35 point head start, and apparently Dwight Freeney had his injured ankle replaced with some kind of Terminator-esque appendage and would destroy Reggie Bush so hard that he would surface in China. People said things like that they hoped the Saints could at least "keep it interesting," which would be damn near impossible because the Super Bowl, at the heart of it all, is still football and not a more thrilling sport like curling or the Double Stuf Racing League.

By the time I made it to Charlotte for my connection, however, people were far more reasonable (with the exception of the waitress who had on her Carolina Panthers shirt. Apparently she thought the Super Bowl was like a WWE event where even though the match was taking place between two other people, at any moment a third party could interfere and change the outcome). I sat alone at a table in a sports bar in the airport and lone-wolfed an appetizer sampler probably intended for at least three people where I was able to watch the first half before getting on my plane. A few observations:

• Queen Latifah singing "God Bless America?"She was the best we had available? Was William Hung too busy? Seriously though, Queen Latifah? I don't even know who that is, so why is she who we chose to showcase on a sporting event watched around the world? The British may even have been watching, and if they mistakenly got the idea that all of the sudden we're cool with having a queen again, they're going to come back, and they'll be sodding mad!
• Carrie Underwood singing "The Star Spangled Banner": don't know much about her music, but aesthetically speaking, this was a step in the right direction
• Before the Super Bowl there was all kinds of controversy about the supposed anti-abortion commercial that Tim Tebow and his mom were to appear in. I only saw one in the first quarter, so there may have been one that I missed that was more un-politically correct, but how can people be upset about "for our full story visit this website?" Nobody ever even said "don't get an abortion;" in fact, I don't even think the word was used or the concept brought up. The only thing I found upsetting about it was how much money was wasted on it. At the very least, instead of Tebow they could have used puppets or animals. If a giant muppet iguana told me that abortion was bad, I'd be picketing at Planned Parenthoods all across America. But Tim Tebow and Woman Who Is Only Noteworthy Because Her Uterus Used To Be Tim Tebow's Dorm Room barely even had a message. If you were honestly offended by that, you'll probably be taking me to court someday, and if there's any justice in the world, it will be for a paternity test.
• Other thought about commercials: why bother spending all of that money just to have a commercial that ends with "for more visit our website." Is there anybody out there who actually visits that website?

As the first half came to a close, it was time to board my plane to Wilmington. I hoped that by the time I could turn my phone back on for more updates, the tides would have changed dramatically. I made an unreasonable request on Twitter, and then let them know I was displeased they did not acquiesce to my demands.

The flight from Charlotte to Wilmington is so short that Drew Brees can throw that far. He can also make love to your wife in such complete silence that it will not wake you up even if you are in the same bed, so I suggest you start locking your doors at night.

From then on, I only saw roughly the last 3 minutes of the game, and needless to say I was pretty happy about the end result (I guess I just have a funny way of showing it).

A crucial last-minute game-changing interception? Hold on, I didn't know the Colts were allowed to trade for Jay Cutler during the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl...

Some quick postgame thoughts:

• Is there any greater sight as a Purdue fan than to see Mr. Handsome holding the Lombardi trophy? (Nickname accredited to the outstanding Purdue blog Boiled Sports, which if you consider yourself a Purdue fan and you don't read it, you're wasting your fanhood)
If Robbie Hummel or E'Twaun Moore go on to the NBA and win a championship there, I wouldn't care at all, because although I love college basketball I think that the NBA is about as much fun as contracting Avian flu. I might get a little bit of pleasure out of seeing Kyle Orton win a championship someday as well. It's unfortunate for me that in the 4 years I spent at Purdue (2005-2009), the Boilermakers fielded teams with precisely 0 likeable players that you felt compelled to cheer for in the NFL (with the exception being Bernard "Bonecrusher" Pollard who did the world a favor and knocked Tom Brady out for a season).
• The NFL and NHL need to copy off of each other a little bit to improve how they do the trophy exchange. In the NHL, the commissioner (at the moment one of the least popular people associated with the sport of hockey not named Patrice Cormier) hands off the Stanley Cup to the winning team's captain, and he takes turns passing it to his teammates. In the NFL, a Hall of Fame player presents the Lombardi Trophy. The NFL gets the idea right, but the handoff wrong. First the trophy was given to the Saints' owner, who had no contribution to the Super Bowl victory other than being old and rich. Honestly, why not let someone who actually earned it touch it first? Time for a compromise, you two leagues: have a legend pass the trophy off to the team captain. Let's leave the old white dudes for the Republican National Convention. Coaches are OK, but owners/commissioners are not. If your being on the field wasn't essential for the game to be played, it should also not be essential for the game to be celebrated.
• Drew Brees holding his son and celebrating the victory- by far one of the coolest moments in sports. Just another reason why he is a wonderful, wonderful man. Why more players don't do this instead of dousing champagne all over each other is beyond me.
Tip of the cap goes to my older, wiser sister Samantha who noticed that this entry was missing photographic evidence of Drew Brees winning Father of the Year

OK, so I was quick to break my arm patting myself on the back for accurately predicting a Saints Super Bowl victory. If you read the rest of my predictions (and we're talking you're at a near-superhuman level of boredom here) you'll see that I was wrong about a great many of them. But I got the big one, despite not having any clue about football. I'd say this is win-win.

I will be in New Orleans next weekend, and between Mardi Gras, the Saints' win, and the fact that I am an idiot with virtually no concept of what appropriate behavior is, it should be a fantastic time with quite a few good stories. Since there is absolutely zero chance that I will have pictures posted on the internet of this trip, I will have to repeat these stories in a more appropriate environment. Perhaps a good location would be Triple XXX Restaurant over a Drew Brees Special*?

*To my pals over at The Roundhouse and the head concierge over at Hotel Bofa- all of you have those Drew Brees Specials coming your way compliments of yours truly. Well, except Jack.

1/30/2010- Blackhawks vs Hurricanes

So that was probably the postingest month of January ever, yeah? Only one entry and it was about Lady Gaga. Woof! Part of the reason for this (he said to nobody because nobody cared) is that I've been working in North Carolina and they haven't figured out internet yet.

Luckily this relocation was a good chance for me to see the Blackhawks play the Hurricanes in Raleigh. My dad flew in for the weekend, and we had all kinds of grand plans in mind- golf in the morning, Hawks at night!

Except then it snowed a whole lot. Not entirely golf weather.

We decided to get seats closer to the ice than our normal 300 level seats, and we wound up right behind the Hawks bench. There were a few things I noticed that I had never seen before. Up there with the rest of the peasants, it's hard to see what's really going on. Perhaps some pictures will do the trick?

Obviously I had never seen water bottles before, and was very intrigued.

If this game had been on NBC, here's where Pierre McGuire would be ruining everyone's enjoyment of the game.

This picture was taken shortly after the equipment manager gave Buff something to chew on. Gum? Tobacco? Hard to say. Also, he may or may not look like a rooster in this picture.

I had a hard time watching a game without someone constantly complaining "Campbell sucks!" every two minutes. But I could get used to it.

Brent Sopel is actually much uglier up close. Somehow, he evaded capture by my camera. Brent Sopel- the Loch Ness Monster?

The Q-Stache is oh so much more imposing in person. When Q turns around and looks you in the eyes, you'll know exactly what being seconds from death feels like.

"So you see, Steeger, that's how you make love to a woman!" (When I first tried to take the picture, Madden was gesturing wildly with his arms, so the caption would have worked a lot better, but too late, I was already committed to it in my mind)

For a brief second after Hossa's goal, I was convinced Brent Sopel scored it. This picture was intended to be titled "Last Thing I See Before a Heart Attack" but then Hossa was credited with the goal, and cats and dogs resumed warring.

"People are upset that they did WHAT?!"

Sippin' on some Haterade.

Juuuust the two of us...

The Original Mr. Handsome

Funny, I seem to remember we had a savior with a beard... all Hossa can manage is a soul patch?

Blackhawks' assistant coach John "Frankentorch" Torchetti had his game face on the entire time. The frightening thing was that when he went to yell instructions to players on the bench, he seemed to turn around, almost so he was looking me dead in the eyes. I had no idea what he was saying but I made a point of backchecking much harder on the next play.

"Man, you should hear what me and Duncs were doing in OUR limo..."

Blue Steel.

I'm guessing that if Jonathan Toews' hockey career doesn't pan out, he can probably get a job as a Dementor.

Notes and Observations

• As cool as it was to be so close to the action, it's not quite so fun having the coaching staff/ training staff/players blocking your view the whole game. I'll take the 300 level in the future, please.
• The crowd at the game was pretty small- below 7,000. As someone familiar with driving in the snow, getting to the game wasn't a very big problem for me. However, for a native of NC without much experience, I could see why it'd be enough to keep you from the game. There was not a plowed street in sight, the roads were fairly icy, and the whole state pretty much shuts down.
• I disagree strongly with the notion that Carolina isn't a strong hockey market, especially considering where they are this season in the standings. One thing about the Canes that was very noticeable from the beginning was that they market very heavily towards a family experience at games. You can see that from their commercials, you get that vibe from being in the stadium, and as a matter of fact their normal national anthem singer is a young girl (who missed the game because she got into a sledding accident). They're trying to build the market from the youngsters on up so that by the time they're irritating 20-somethings like me, they'll be filling the RBC Center just like they have since they were kids. Much better idea than Phoenix who tried to fill an arena with snowbirds from Chicago and Canada.
• The fan experience more than anything else was ruined by... you guessed it, a Hawks fan. You don't go into another man's home, sleep with his wife, insult his children, and drink all of his beer (so that's why my uncle isn't allowed at family Christmas anymore). This clown decided to irritate all of the Canes fans around us, who were beyond friendly. I understand it must be tough to only see your favorite team once a year tops, but you have to account for the fact that they may not win when you see them. Does it do any good to repeatedly yell "If you want to win the CUP you have to beat teams like this!!!!"? I remember absolutely zero Stanley Cup Champions who went 82-0-0 . I was hoping that Quenneville would jump over the glass and choke the guy to death with his mustache.
• I'm a big fan of the Blackhawks Ice Crew, but the Hurricanes' incarnation, the Storm Squad, made all of those girls look like me with a wig on. Pictures didn't do them justice, but here's one anyhow.

UPDATE

Since I'm super cool now and have appeared on TV, I wanted to share the pictures my mom took of the TV with my dad and I on them (Thanks, Mom!). Hopefully this is the last time you see me on TV unless I intend to be there (especially if the show COPS is involved in any way). To get the full effect, click on the pictures to see my douchey face in its larger glory.

Lady GaGa Fans Overreact in Hilarious Fashion

Last night, Lady Gaga was supposed to do a show at my alma mater, Purdue University. Embarrassingly enough, I had friends who had chosen to attend this show, including a certain former roommate of mine. Unfortunately, after the two opening acts, Semi Precious Weapons and Jason Derulo, Lady Gaga cancelled the show due to an unspecified illness.

To Purdue students who had bought tickets already, this was just like a punch to the face. Kid Cudi was originally supposed to be a part of the show, and was kicked off of the tour for... oh right, punching a fan in the face. Needless to say, some Purdue students were outraged. Which is completely understandable, because who would have imagined that a performer who taught herself to play the piano by ear at age 4 before attending NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, releasing a song promoting irresponsible behavior in young women, and doing whatever the hell is going on in this picture

could possibly be unreliable and unpredictable?

However, the things people said while being interviewed by the Purdue Exponent bordered on psychotic, and I feel it would be wrong of me to not use this soapbox to judge them harshly. Some people say you shouldn't kick a man when he's down, but when they're down they're so much closer to your feet!

“It could have been a lot worse. She rescheduled very soon,” Abby Eddy said.

Or maybe there could have been a huge earthquake that devastated your country. That would probably be worse than missing a performance by Lady Gaga. Also what would have been worse- seeing a performance by Lady Gaga.

“I love her to death and I still love her ... but it’s definitely a disappointment,” Sarah Wartman said.

If the bar for love is set so low that it allows Lady Gaga to slip by, why have I been forced to see so many chick flicks? Love must be an illusion if the woman who brought us "Poker Face" gets an "I love her to death." If any of the rumors about Gaga being spotted at the Neon Cactus bar are true, perhaps her relationship with fans would be considered a "Bad Romance" (see what I did there?).

Some audience members were not so understanding of the sudden cancellation. Numerous attendees were not from Purdue and made sacrifices to come see the pop sensation. Kyle Straub, of Indiana University, described his friends' and his experience.

“We’ve been anticipating this literally since November. We canceled classes, we made up excuses. We went to the end of the world and back ... Six thousand people changed their schedules,” Straub said.

The end of the world and back? Really? I don't want to be a dick and come up with evidence that made you sound ridiculous, but you're from IU so you deserve it, Mr. Straub. But if your world begins and ends between Bloomington and West Lafayette, then you really need to expand your boundaries. Isn't that the ultimate slap in the face as an IU student- your school sucks so bad that it's below Lady Gaga to stop there for a tour? They bragged about their free Dave Matthews concert a couple of years ago, but that was simply because IU was the only school in Indiana that already had the prerequisite number of douchebags on campus necessary for holding a Dave Matthews concert.

Amongst the crowd of disappointed people, at least one fan looked at the bright side of things. Zac Hart of Indianapolis, who was decked out in a “Show me your GaGa” shirt and hotpants, took a day and a half off work, but was still optimistic.

Going back to Straub's comment about changing schedules, this made me curious as to what Gaga fans originally had in their schedules that was apparently less important than hot pants. I'd imagine I'm better off not prying into those events, however.

Apparently the Cult of Gaga isn't against committing crimes against their own members, as evidenced by the sad tale below.

Another girl, who was sitting outside Elliott bare-shouldered after the canceled concert, was also left with a bad taste in her mouth. Emily Adams, a high school student from Boonville, Ind., had an overall disappointing night.

“We drove four and a half hours and got a hotel room for the night. On top of it all, my coat got stolen,” Adams said.

Wow. Stealing a coat from a fellow concertgoer! That's just unspeakable. How could it get any worse for these poor, poor Gaga fans? Oh, right, silly me, I forgot.

Maybe these poor, disappointed music haters should ask themselves- What Would Gaga Do? Especially poor, coatless Emily Adams- how should she have kept herself warm (besides maybe going to sit in that hotel room she apparently had to pay for instead of sitting outside) with someone (my guess- Kid Cudi) having stolen her coat?

Oh, right. "Just Dance."

Hammered for the Holidays- A Helpful Guide to Santa's Little Helper, Booze

So now it's Christmas Eve, and there are essentially four scenarios that could be applying to your life:

1. You're all finished with your Christmas shopping. The presents you bought are all sitting under the tree, wrapped with shiny colored paper adorned with reindeer or snowmen and maybe a bow. Your gifts were all thoughtful purchases, and everyone you bought gifts for will be very pleased and full of holiday cheer. To some extent, you even used my favorite things as a guide when you had questions about movies, books, or CDs.
2. You're completely screwed. You haven't bought any gifts at all.
3. You did do some shopping, but instead of using the things I like as a guide, you decided to be stupid. You bought your girlfriend this (not a bad gift, but wrong recipient bro!), you bought your dad this (if he doesn't want it, I'd enjoy it), and you bought this for, well, really anybody at all. You have nothing to worry about, because it's the thought that counts. Well, except for that you put no thought into it.
4. You don't celebrate Christmas because you're, like, Jewish or something.

There may be more scenarios to consider, but this is just the intro so I don't want to overdo it. The point is that the holidays are a time that really stress a lot of people out. The shopping, the traffic, the weather, and worst of all, spending time with family. There's nothing like being surrounded by the people with whom you share those wonderful "hereditary" deformities like red hair or being Italian to make you realize that you need a strong drink.

Luckily, I'm here to help. Some of you may say this guide is being posted too late, but it's never too late for your family to make you want to drink until you can no longer feel feelings. Plus I'm fairly certain liquor stores are still open on Christmas day, because I get the feeling that egg nog is something you only consume when you're already wasted, like karaoke or Taco Bell.

For the rest of this entry, this blog is 21+ (2 ID's please!). Unless of course you are from Canada, or grew up on a farm, or went to college, or believe it is ridiculous that the drinking age being higher than the age you can serve in the military or vote (clearly America was drunk in 2000 and 2004... just saying). Then you can do what you like.

5. Miller High Life

Far from the classiest drink ever, but let's face it: Christmas presents are expensive, and your relatives are irritating. High Life will get you drunk for cheap, which is pretty important. Plus it's "The Champagne of Beers" so it is simultaneously classy and trashy. Nothing is more helpful during the holidays than successfully multi-tasking.

4. Hot Cocoa with Rumple Minze Peppermint Schnapps

According Twomey spies recently spotted my former roommate making this drink, which he referred to as "Christmas Cheer."

No idea if the shirtlessness or the Santa hat are considered the cause or the effect of this drink.

Nothing is more wintry than hot cocoa, but sometimes it needs an extra kick. Cue Rumple Minze!

That picture pretty much says it all.

3. Molson Canadian

Don't tell Glenn Beck. Seriously.

We have to be considerate of the other holidays here. No, I'm not talking about Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, I'm talking about the glorious Canadian holiday of Boxing Day. If I had to hazard a guess as to what it meant, it's probably the day that all of the recently-homeless auto company execs are tossed out of the boxes they inhabit in Detroit and banished to Canada. Being incredibly friendly people, the Canadians celebrate this as a holiday and welcome their newfound friends.

Seriously, the Canadians are so friendly that every bottle of Molson has a "Would you rather?" question on it, only instead of "Would you rather?" it says "Would you prefer?" because of course our friends in the True North don't want to pressure us into a decision.

It's nothing special; it may just be Canadian Bud Light or something of the sort, but normally Boxing Day is a day full of great NHL games, and what goes better with hockey than Canadian beer?

2. Jameson & Sons Irish Whiskey

By now, you've all seen the commercial.

There's nothing particularly seasonal about Jameson, or Irish whiskey in general, but it's delicious, so I say jump on it.

1. Samuel Adams Winter Sampler

About a month and a half ago, I shared this Winter Sampler Pack with my pals at The Roundhouse, and one of the drinks we sampled gave us all the same reaction: "it tastes like Christmas." This did lead to the possibility that we were all molested by Sam Adams drinking uncles every Christmas and the taste brought back the memories, but I don't think that's the case.

Either way, none of us are 100% sure which one was the ideal Christmas beer. I'm leaning towards the Holiday Porter, but that seemed so obvious that I feel like I would have remembered it. I'm not a huge Sam Adams fan, but if you are, by all means pick up this sampler pack. It'll taste like shady uncles a Christmas miracle.

Hopefully I've helped you all ignore the egg nog dish this Christmas. I've truly done my best to ensure that instead of this Christmas being one you'll never forget, it'll be one you won't have to remember.

A very Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us me at According Twomey!

My Favorite Things- Leaving Through the Window by Something Corporate

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

I’ve talked to you already about some of my favorite books, doing so in a manner that makes you question my ability to write, my ability to read, and if you happen to have appreciated any of those books before reading my reviews of them, the existence of a fair and just god.

Then I delved into my favorite movies released in 2009, and you probably had quite a few questions to ask yourselves about the kind of 22 year old male who would include Up on his list but not Inglorious Basterds.

That’s a completely understandable viewpoint for you to have. Now, however, it’s time to complete the great Holy Trinity of Modern Day Media and look at my five favorite music CD’s (you know, if you were to completely ignore the fact that nobody buys CD’s anymore and that books are becoming a thing of the past as well).

The great Madonna once said “Music makes the people come together.” True as that may be, Madonna’s music is pretty awful, and is probably the reason why terrorists hate America (either that or Snuggie… I know that’s why I hate America. If I ever see someone combining a Snuggy and Ugg boots, I am probably going to set them on fire. I’m pretty sure now that I’ve warned you beforehand, it doesn’t count as a crime anymore. I’m pretty indifferent either way; no prison can hold me! You know, except for the ones with bars and locks and dudes named T-Bone).

Music probably plays an important role in all of our lives. Perhaps the most important philosophical question I can ask someone upon first meeting them is “If you could have any song play every time you enter a room, what would it be?” From there, I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about them. Unlike a person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or hair color, the music a person listens to should absolutely be used to define your views on that person.

So while music may make the people come together, it can also tear the people apart. If you disagree with any of my favorite music choices this week, I won’t be offended at all. If you happen to have a suggestion for a type of music or artist that I’ve overlooked, please send it my way, because I’m always interested in finding new music to listen to. However, if you think any of the music I listen to isn’t good, then I hope to never speak to you again. Delete my phone number out of your cell phone, because I won’t be coming over for any more late night booty calls (he said to nobody). Remove me as a Facebook friend and stop following me on Twitter (I’m pretty sure this is the 2009 equivalent of telling Senator Joseph McCarthy that I’m a Communist). Having close friends and family members (and of course, blog readers) is important, but music? Well, that’s just far more important than any of those things (note- I will quickly change my tune on this someday when I need your bone marrow. Anybody else B-positive?).

Highlights from earlier in the week:

December 14- Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party by Pigeon John

December 15- Light Grenades by Incubus

December 16- Mantis by Umphrey's McGee

December 17- Highly Refined Pirates by Minus the Bear

_______________________

Leaving Through the Window by Something Corporate (Available from Amazon.com)

Top to bottom, this is probably my favorite CD of all time (and by all time, I mean at least for the last two weeks). Every time I listen to Leaving Through the Window it feels like I’m reliving the first time I heard it. It’s freshman year of high school all over again, and I’m sitting in the hallway outside the Victor J Andrew High School pool (Pamela!) waiting to embarrass myself at diving practice, with my trusty Something Corporate CD coming into my headphones courtesy of my Sony Walkman (at least 7 terms in the last 2 sentences either already are or will soon be obsolete). My diving career didn’t quite stand the test of time (though it didn’t stop jerks from referring to me as “Greg Lou-gayness” for the rest of high school… ok nobody really called me that, but it’s probably because nobody has ever been as good at making fun of me as I am), but Leaving Through the Window still has its appeal years later.

If Something Corporate ever had a “breakthrough” hit, it would probably have to be “iF U C Jordan,” best described as a “bitter anthem” about “this kid who just don’t like me.” The song had already been released on Something Corporate’s Audioboxer EP, but it was re-recorded and turned out much better the second time around. Andrew McMahon’s voice got a little deeper (at least one of ours did) and less angsty (which may not have fit this particular song, but it suits the rest of the CD quite well), the guitar solo is much improved, and the clever capitalization of the right letters in the second version hit me about 5 years too late. When it was called “If You See Jordan” I just didn’t get it. I also didn’t understand the meaning behind “If You Seek Amy” the first time, and if you asked me honestly, I don’t see the resemblance between a Georgia O’Keeffe painting and a vagina.

Maybe if the clitoris was actually purple, more guys could probably find it.... it is the purple part, right?

My favorite song on the CD is probably “I Woke Up in a Car.” I would have included the music video here to let you all enjoy the song along with me, but I’m not sure what kind of copyright violations that might entail. I’m assuming that if this blogging thing makes me a billionaire, I’ll have to pay royalties on any non-original content. So instead, I decided to draw an artist’s rendition of the song. Once I finished it, I realized how much the car I drew looked like my own car. So there’s a good chance that this picture can also be used as evidence when I someday kidnap Andrew McMahon and force him to perform for me at my command.

The lost verse: "I woke up in a car... in handcuffs"

Sometimes there are song lyrics are so simple they seem like they could have been written by just about anybody, but they definitely work so you’re not too concerned about it. “Drunk Girl” is definitely one of those songs. “I kissed a drunk girl/I kissed a drunk girl, yes I did/Kissed a drunk girl on the lips.” I mean, how could you top that? They must have been struggling to write a song, and gone to the KISS method (Keep It Simple, Stupid!) and about 6 minutes later, this song was written. Frankly, spending 7 minutes on it would have been overkill. A well done steak is still good, but it’s not the best way to enjoy a slaughtered cow (blogging, just like grocery shopping, should not be done while hungry).

Other tremendous songs on this CD include “Straw Dog,” “The Astronaut,” “Hurricane,” and “Cavanaugh Park.” Confession: I just had to use the Thesaurus function from Microsoft Word to try and find another positive word to use about Leaving Through the Window because I felt like I was starting to repeat myself. I don’t think I could find any negative things to say about it if I had to.

My favorite thing about Leaving Through the Window is that it is incredibly solid despite not really having any of Something Corporate’s best individual efforts. Andrew McMahon is an incredibly talented piano player, but that probably shows up best in songs like “Konstantine” or in his later work with Jack’s Mannequin. The rest of Something Corporate is quite musically talented as well (which you may not have picked up on while I was essentially dry humping the lead singer’s leg like a lovesick daschund- I wanted to say wiener dog but even I thought that was overkill), and you’ll probably find more talented guitar playing on North. But a group is more than just the sum of its parts, and all of the parts work together here to put together something quite fantastic.

As much as I considered Highly Refined Pirates to be the perfect summer night driving CD, Leaving Through the Window is ideal as a a CD for the part of winter where it's just starting to get cold. It's excellent as a driving CD in those conditions, but even better on a solitary walk in the dark at night (like on the way home from your last final of the semester, just as the snow starts to fall). Buy this CD. Then buy all of the Something Corporate CDs. Then probably everything that Jack's Mannequin has released too. Then maybe you should buy me a delicious chocolate cake (am I pushing my luck too far here? Probably.).

Other CDs that you should buy just because I tell you to. Or because the combination of Andrew McMahon and a piano is the greatest thing that could happen to you besides finding out that the Morning After Pill that you took worked:

• North by Something Corporate (Amazon)
• Audioboxer by Something Corporate (Amazon)
• Everything in Transit by Jack's Mannequin (Amazon)
• The Glass Passenger by Jack's Mannequin- Also, make sure you buy the extra tracks from iTunes- "At Full Speed," "In Slow Motion (Sleazy Wednesday)," and "Cellular Phone." They're my favorites from that CD and they aren't on the American version apparently. (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Highly Refined Pirates by Minus the Bear

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

I’ve talked to you already about some of my favorite books, doing so in a manner that makes you question my ability to write, my ability to read, and if you happen to have appreciated any of those books before reading my reviews of them, the existence of a fair and just god.

Then I delved into my favorite movies released in 2009, and you probably had quite a few questions to ask yourselves about the kind of 22 year old male who would include Up on his list but not Inglorious Basterds.

That’s a completely understandable viewpoint for you to have. Now, however, it’s time to complete the great Holy Trinity of Modern Day Media and look at my five favorite music CD’s (you know, if you were to completely ignore the fact that nobody buys CD’s anymore and that books are becoming a thing of the past as well).

The great Madonna once said “Music makes the people come together.” True as that may be, Madonna’s music is pretty awful, and is probably the reason why terrorists hate America (either that or Snuggie… I know that’s why I hate America. If I ever see someone combining a Snuggy and Ugg boots, I am probably going to set them on fire. I’m pretty sure now that I’ve warned you beforehand, it doesn’t count as a crime anymore. I’m pretty indifferent either way; no prison can hold me! You know, except for the ones with bars and locks and dudes named T-Bone).

Music probably plays an important role in all of our lives. Perhaps the most important philosophical question I can ask someone upon first meeting them is “If you could have any song play every time you enter a room, what would it be?” From there, I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about them. Unlike a person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or hair color, the music a person listens to should absolutely be used to define your views on that person.

So while music may make the people come together, it can also tear the people apart. If you disagree with any of my favorite music choices this week, I won’t be offended at all. If you happen to have a suggestion for a type of music or artist that I’ve overlooked, please send it my way, because I’m always interested in finding new music to listen to. However, if you think any of the music I listen to isn’t good, then I hope to never speak to you again. Delete my phone number out of your cell phone, because I won’t be coming over for any more late night booty calls (he said to nobody). Remove me as a Facebook friend and stop following me on Twitter (I’m pretty sure this is the 2009 equivalent of telling Senator Joseph McCarthy that I’m a Communist). Having close friends and family members (and of course, blog readers) is important, but music? Well, that’s just far more important than any of those things (note- I will quickly change my tune on this someday when I need your bone marrow. Anybody else B-positive?).

Highlights from earlier in the week:

December 14- Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party by Pigeon John

December 15- Light Grenades by Incubus

December 16- Mantis by Umphrey's McGee

_______________________

Highly Refined Pirates by Minus the Bear (Available on Amazon.com)

Up until now, the artists I’ve reviewed can fairly easily be compared to other artists. Pigeon John is just semi-nerdy rap. Umphrey’s McGee, although a fantastic jam band, is still a jam band at the heart of the issue. I guess it’s hard to compare Incubus to anyone off the top of my head, but I bet it can be done. But trying to find a musical group to compare to Minus the Bear would be like flying an airplane to the moon: you might think it’d be possible, but it’s only going to end in a sloppy mess (not unlike my first three marriages probably will).

The best comparison I can give most people to what Minus the Bear sounds like is probably “like laying on the beach at sunset during a light rain.” That’s not even a sound. But that’s how I’d peg the sound. If the music makes you think of a location, it’d probably be Hawai’i. Surprisingly enough, these guys aren’t from some beach somewhere, but instead they’re from the rainiest and most depressing place on Earth, Seattle (just kidding, Seattle. You’re not even that depressing. For starters, your state is just about as far away from Ohio as possible, which probably gives you a reason to get up in the morning if nothing else will).

My friend Grant described the first song on Highly Refined Pirates thusly (it’s hard to remember word for word what he said. The quotes are technically incorrect because I’m pretty much paraphrasing. I remember this conversation, but at least both of us were drunk so I doubt 100% accuracy is possible): “The album starts off with probably the best conjunctive phrase possible: ‘and then we all bought yachts.’ I have no idea what they did before that, but I’m already hooked!” He’s got a point.

By the way, the name of that song is “Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco Twister,” which only adds to the mystique of the song. Actually, interesting names are par for the course for Minus the Bear songs. There was a rumor fact on Wikipedia that said that all of the song titles on Highly Refined Pirates were actually quotes from Starship Troopers. Some examples, which conveniently tell you exactly nothing about the song you’re listening to: “We Are Not a Football Team,” “Women We Haven’t Met Yet,” “Let’s Play Guitar in a Five Guitar Band,” “Monkey!!! Knife!!! Fight!!!” and my personal favorite, “I Lost All My Money at the Cock Fights,” which conveniently has nothing to do with money, cock fighting, or cock fighting for money.

My favorite song on this CD is probably “Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse,” a song that I really thought went well with Absinthe; however, it turns out that Absinthe is probably not fit for human consumption, and that I’m no longer allowed at the Illinois Institute of Technology. Worth it. Just once in your life, you should blast “Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse” on your speakers, pour yourself a little Absinthe, and take a little dance with the Green Fairy. Then your troubles, memory, and dignity will melt away for a while, and you will wake up with the worst hangover of your life. What, just me? Ok.

The point of this exercise, of course, is to try and convince you to purchase this CD. And I am fairly certain that you will not be disappointed by this album if you do pick it up and give it a listen. Hopefully it will open the flood gates for you to join the Minus the Bear kick that I've been on for a while now. The one moment of clarity I do have of my drunken conversation with Grant is that he called this "the best CD to listen to while making a long drive alone at night in the summer." Or something like that. Buy this CD.

Other Minus the Bear music that you should listen to:

• Menos El Oso by Minus the Bear (Amazon)
• Bands Like It When You Yell "Yar!" At Them by Minus the Bear (Amazon)
• Planet of Ice by Minus the Bear- Their newest studio CD as of this writing, and my least favorite. It's got some bright spots, but for the most part I was unimpressed by it. But if you like everything else and need more of them, it's at least worth a listen (Amazon)

Minus the Bear CD's that I've unfortunately never heard but have enjoyable titles:

• They Make Beer Commercials Like This (Amazon)
• This Is What I Know About Being Gigantic (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Mantis by Umphrey's McGee

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

I’ve talked to you already about some of my favorite books, doing so in a manner that makes you question my ability to write, my ability to read, and if you happen to have appreciated any of those books before reading my reviews of them, the existence of a fair and just god.

Then I delved into my favorite movies released in 2009, and you probably had quite a few questions to ask yourselves about the kind of 22 year old male who would include Up on his list but not Inglorious Basterds.

That’s a completely understandable viewpoint for you to have. Now, however, it’s time to complete the great Holy Trinity of Modern Day Media and look at my five favorite music CD’s (you know, if you were to completely ignore the fact that nobody buys CD’s anymore and that books are becoming a thing of the past as well).

The great Madonna once said “Music makes the people come together.” True as that may be, Madonna’s music is pretty awful, and is probably the reason why terrorists hate America (either that or Snuggie… I know that’s why I hate America. If I ever see someone combining a Snuggy and Ugg boots, I am probably going to set them on fire. I’m pretty sure now that I’ve warned you beforehand, it doesn’t count as a crime anymore. I’m pretty indifferent either way; no prison can hold me! You know, except for the ones with bars and locks and dudes named T-Bone).

Music probably plays an important role in all of our lives. Perhaps the most important philosophical question I can ask someone upon first meeting them is “If you could have any song play every time you enter a room, what would it be?” From there, I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about them. Unlike a person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or hair color, the music a person listens to should absolutely be used to define your views on that person.

So while music may make the people come together, it can also tear the people apart. If you disagree with any of my favorite music choices this week, I won’t be offended at all. If you happen to have a suggestion for a type of music or artist that I’ve overlooked, please send it my way, because I’m always interested in finding new music to listen to. However, if you think any of the music I listen to isn’t good, then I hope to never speak to you again. Delete my phone number out of your cell phone, because I won’t be coming over for any more late night booty calls (he said to nobody). Remove me as a Facebook friend and stop following me on Twitter (I’m pretty sure this is the 2009 equivalent of telling Senator Joseph McCarthy that I’m a Communist). Having close friends and family members (and of course, blog readers) is important, but music? Well, that’s just far more important than any of those things (note- I will quickly change my tune on this someday when I need your bone marrow. Anybody else B-positive?).

Highlights from earlier in the week:

December 14- Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party by Pigeon John

December 15- Light Grenades by Incubus

_______________________

Mantis by Umphrey’s McGee (Available from Amazon)

A lot of you have come to me and said “all of my friends are into jam bands. Dave Matthews Band, O.A.R., Jack Johnson, and other bands like that. But they all suck! What can I do?” I’m glad you asked, because I’m here to help you.

First of all, yes, those bands do suck. I’m not even sure Dave Matthews even writes all of the lyrics to his songs anymore; I’m willing to bet at times the original copy of his lyrics just say “mumble for about 14 counts.” If he was from Ireland instead of South Africa, I’d probably assume he was performing with a mouthful of mashed potatoes; if this was the case, I might like him. Each of his concerts seems to be a contest between him and his fans for who can be the most drunk and unintelligible. This crown, however, has been won by a friend of mine who ate some “special” brownies and vomited on a cop. O.A.R. hasn’t released a song worth listening to besides “Crazy Game of Poker,” and I don’t even think that’s the real song title. I care so little I’m not even going to look it up. If you even think of telling me Jack Johnson isn’t one of the most awful musicians to ever exist, the next two words out of your mouth better be “Jason Mraz” otherwise I will never agree with you.

And now that all of the people who aren’t smart enough to appreciate good music are gone (probably to smoke a joint and refer to everyone as “bro”), we can continue.

There's not much that I need to say about Umphrey's McGee except for that they're very good. Mantis is their newest CD, and from what I've heard, it's probably their best. Most Umphrey's fans will tell you that they're better live, which is the same thing you'd hear from a Dave Matthews fan if they could coherently speak for long enough to complete a sentence. But if a studio album is Umphrey's at their worst, Mantis is a prime example of being your best even at your worst, like the time Tiger Woods won the US Open on two busted knees, and then made love to some woman who was most likely not his wife. I guess what I'm trying to say is Mantis is the equivalent of passing up your hot Swedish wife for a moderately attractive Perkins waitress- there may be better options, but sometimes you have to make do with what you've got. (OK so none of this really proves a point very effectively but I think there's some kind of internet rule about how frequently Tiger Woods has to be mentioned)

Mantis has 10 tracks, but it's really more like 9 because "Preamble" doesn't have a whole lot to it. The title track, ironically named "Mantis," is probably the crowning achievement, coming in just under 12 minutes but sounding like it was several different songs spliced together. My personal favorite probably would be "Cemetery Walk" followed closely by "Made to Measure." I don't really know how to describe any of these songs unless I use words like "fantastic" or "awesome" or "seriously just listen to this CD it will only cost you $10 on iTunes" but I'm pretty new at this writing thing.

Other CD's to purchase if you recognize that Dave Matthews is a no-talent ass clown

• Safety in Numbers by Umphrey's McGee (Amazon)
• Anchor Drops by Umphrey's McGee (Amazon)
• Live at the Murat by Umphrey's McGee (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Light Grenades by Incubus

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

I’ve talked to you already about some of my favorite books, doing so in a manner that makes you question my ability to write, my ability to read, and if you happen to have appreciated any of those books before reading my reviews of them, the existence of a fair and just god.

Then I delved into my favorite movies released in 2009, and you probably had quite a few questions to ask yourselves about the kind of 22 year old male who would include Up on his list but not Inglorious Basterds.

That’s a completely understandable viewpoint for you to have. Now, however, it’s time to complete the great Holy Trinity of Modern Day Media and look at my five favorite music CD’s (you know, if you were to completely ignore the fact that nobody buys CD’s anymore and that books are becoming a thing of the past as well).

The great Madonna once said “Music makes the people come together.” True as that may be, Madonna’s music is pretty awful, and is probably the reason why terrorists hate America (either that or Snuggie… I know that’s why I hate America. If I ever see someone combining a Snuggy and Ugg boots, I am probably going to set them on fire. I’m pretty sure now that I’ve warned you beforehand, it doesn’t count as a crime anymore. I’m pretty indifferent either way; no prison can hold me! You know, except for the ones with bars and locks and dudes named T-Bone).

Music probably plays an important role in all of our lives. Perhaps the most important philosophical question I can ask someone upon first meeting them is “If you could have any song play every time you enter a room, what would it be?” From there, I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about them. Unlike a person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or hair color, the music a person listens to should absolutely be used to define your views on that person.

So while music may make the people come together, it can also tear the people apart. If you disagree with any of my favorite music choices this week, I won’t be offended at all. If you happen to have a suggestion for a type of music or artist that I’ve overlooked, please send it my way, because I’m always interested in finding new music to listen to. However, if you think any of the music I listen to isn’t good, then I hope to never speak to you again. Delete my phone number out of your cell phone, because I won’t be coming over for any more late night booty calls (he said to nobody). Remove me as a Facebook friend and stop following me on Twitter (I’m pretty sure this is the 2009 equivalent of telling Senator Joseph McCarthy that I’m a Communist). Having close friends and family members (and of course, blog readers) is important, but music? Well, that’s just far more important than any of those things (note- I will quickly change my tune on this someday when I need your bone marrow. Anybody else B-positive?).

Highlights from earlier in the week:

December 15th- Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party

_______________________

Light Grenades by Incubus (Available from Amazon)

Picking just one Incubus CD was pretty tough for me to do, because they’re all so very good. I decided to go with their most recent release. I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with me, preferring either S.C.I.E.N.C.E. or Make Yourself, both of which are fantastic choices. Morning View and A Crow Left of the Murder were both pretty outstanding as well, but they seem to fall behind the others (how you know you’ve succeeded as an artist: when people can refer to your work as “falling behind” and “outstanding” in the same sentence). However, the boost to Light Grenades in my opinion was that as much as I liked the previous Incubus CDs, Light Grenades was the only one I seemed to be addicted to listening to.

Light Grenades doesn’t have an outstanding single that seemed to carry it very far. “Anna Molly” was the song that got me interested in the new CD, but it didn’t receive a huge amount of radio time. “Dig” probably got a little more exposure, but I don’t think it really spurred a whole lot of people to go out and buy this CD on its own. I would hazard a guess that the majority of people who purchased Light Grenades did so because they were already Incubus fans and were buying it on the band’s reputation alone. Because of this, I’m sure a lot of people missed out on a fantastic CD.

Lyrically, Brandon Boyd is as strong as ever on Light Grenades, with a nice balance between catchiness and depth, and his voice is probably the only reason why other life forms are interested in contacting us. The slight overuse of guitar effects and electronic elements on A Crow Left of the Murder seems to have subsided just enough to create a more refreshing sound.

Ultimately, you can’t go wrong when picking from the Incubus collection, but there are times when you can go slightly more right than others. Light Grenades is a nice happy balance of all of the elements that made Incubus successful, without the overplay of “Pardon Me” and “Drive.” Do yourself a favor and pick this CD up if you don’t already have it.

This isn’t really a suggestion for other bands. Just buy all of Incubus’s CD’s, including (but not limited to)

· S.C.I.E.N.C.E. (Amazon)

· Make Yourself (Amazon)

· Morning View (Amazon)

· A Crow Left of the Murder (Amazon)

Monuments and Melodies (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

I’ve talked to you already about some of my favorite books, doing so in a manner that makes you question my ability to write, my ability to read, and if you happen to have appreciated any of those books before reading my reviews of them, the existence of a fair and just god.

Then I delved into my favorite movies released in 2009, and you probably had quite a few questions to ask yourselves about the kind of 22 year old male who would include Up on his list but not Inglorious Basterds.

That’s a completely understandable viewpoint for you to have. Now, however, it’s time to complete the great Holy Trinity of Modern Day Media and look at my five favorite music CD’s (you know, if you were to completely ignore the fact that nobody buys CD’s anymore and that books are becoming a thing of the past as well).

The great Madonna once said “Music makes the people come together.” True as that may be, Madonna’s music is pretty awful, and is probably the reason why terrorists hate America (either that or Snuggie… I know that’s why I hate America. If I ever see someone combining a Snuggy and Ugg boots, I am probably going to set them on fire. I’m pretty sure now that I’ve warned you beforehand, it doesn’t count as a crime anymore. I’m pretty indifferent either way; no prison can hold me! You know, except for the ones with bars and locks and dudes named T-Bone).

Music probably plays an important role in all of our lives. Perhaps the most important philosophical question I can ask someone upon first meeting them is “If you could have any song play every time you enter a room, what would it be?” From there, I can pretty much tell everything I need to know about them. Unlike a person’s skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or hair color, the music a person listens to should absolutely be used to define your views on that person.

So while music may make the people come together, it can also tear the people apart. If you disagree with any of my favorite music choices this week, I won’t be offended at all. If you happen to have a suggestion for a type of music or artist that I’ve overlooked, please send it my way, because I’m always interested in finding new music to listen to. However, if you think any of the music I listen to isn’t good, then I hope to never speak to you again. Delete my phone number out of your cell phone, because I won’t be coming over for any more late night booty calls (he said to nobody). Remove me as a Facebook friend and stop following me on Twitter (I’m pretty sure this is the 2009 equivalent of telling Senator Joseph McCarthy that I’m a Communist). Having close friends and family members (and of course, blog readers) is important, but music? Well, that’s just far more important than any of those things (note- I will quickly change my tune on this someday when I need your bone marrow. Anybody else B-positive?).

_______________________

Pigeon John and the Summertime Pool Party by Pigeon John (Available from Amazon.com)

Pigeon John is quite an interesting man. He’s half black, half white, spent his childhood split between Omaha, NE and Compton, CA, and among other things, could be considered Christian rap. It’s not something he beats you over the head with, and on this particular CD it only comes up in the song “End of the World” where he compares Jesus to Patrick Swayze in a bar fight or something like that.

What I first found interesting about Pigeon John is the fact that he’s got a bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor, which stands in stark contrast with most rappers these days (naming no names, but Kanye West). In “Money Back Guarantee,” a song about picking up a girl at a bar even though you have no game, he admits “I ain’t no pimp or athlete or hip hop star,” which is pretty refreshing change to hear from a rapper these days- honesty. It’s catchy, and you’ll think about using it yourself sometime because so many women say they love a man who is honest. However, so many women love to lie about what it is that they look for in a man, so I don’t actually recommend it.

You’re probably wondering, “how could a guy going by the name Pigeon John that nobody besides Kelly has even heard of be making any kind of career out of rapping?” Well, I think he answers that question for you in “I Lost My Job Again,” which I’d be submitting as the unofficial theme for the current recession, except for the fact that he seems to repeatedly be fired for gross incompetence as opposed to any kind of economic downturn (or as we in America call it, “a glimpse into Kelly Twomey’s future”).

Overall, what I liked about this CD is that it’s rap that you can relate to. I doubt a whole lot of you drive Escalades or drink Cristal or have “hos in different area codes,” because any of those would give you something better to do than read this blog (and it’d give me something better to do than write it). Even though some of it comes off as a little corny or possibly clichéd, it’s an entertaining listen that will probably leave you with a smile on your face.

Other stuff to check out if you enjoy Pigeon John and the Summer Time Pool Party

· Pigeon John is Clueless by Pigeon John (Amazon)

· Most Known Unknown by Three 6 Mafia- admittedly it’s very different from anything Pigeon John has ever released, but this is probably the only time you’ll see a rap CD on here, so I may as well throw it in where it almost fits. I used to listen to this CD on the way to job interviews, which is probably why it took me so long to find a job. (Amazon)

Graduation by Kanye West- as much as Pigeon John may come across as humble and self-aware, Kanye West is the exact opposite of that. But his music is pretty good, so why not? (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- I Love You, Man

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

After a week of horribly written book reviews, I'm moving on to movies, or more specifically, movies released in 2009. Admittedly it's an incomplete list, as some of the movies I didn't see (but had every intention of seeing) included Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying (Tina Fey! Ricky Gervais! How did I miss this one?), 500 Days of Summer, and Extract, which I wanted to see knowing full well it would be terrible, but I just have a thing about most things Jason Bateman is in even though really nothing besides Arrested Development was all that great.

There was no shortage of terrible movies that came out in 2009, including Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body, District 9, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (was the book too hard to read?), and Transformers 2, quite accurately reviewed by friend of the blog Josh of The Josh Show.

So now that I've given you a little background about what I did not see this year, here's some of what I did see and enjoy.

December 7th- Up

December 8th- Funny People

December 9th- Public Enemies

December 10th- The Hangover

_______________________

I Love You, Man (Available from Amazon.com)

I saw I Love You, Man twice in theaters, and probably would have seen it more times than that if I had any friends who enjoyed spending their money as foolishly as I do. I don't know if this movie is the one that brought the term "bromance" to light, but it certainly made me feel like it was more acceptable to be a part of one.

Paul Rudd is, in my opinion, one of the best straight men in comedy films today (straight man being a film term, not a commentary on his sexual orientation). Jason Segel is just so outright hilarious that if he filmed a comedy special that was just 2 straight hours of him kicking puppies I would probably watch it on loop for about a week and a half. Combining the two had predictably fantastic results.

Another thing they got right in I Love You, Man: Andy Samberg is funny, but not when you overuse him. It's a lesson they could certainly stand to learn on SNL (the same goes for Kristin Wiig).

Throw in a few other key ingredients (Rush, Lou Ferrigno, "Return the favor") and there's just too much good here to even comment on.

Buy this movie, rent this movie, whatever it is that you need to do, just make sure you've seen it. At least twice.

Other movies you will like if you have the good sense to appreciate Paul Rudd and Jason Segel

• Role Models (Amazon)
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall (can't ever be recommended too many times) (Amazon)
• How I Met Your Mother (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- The Hangover

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

After a week of horribly written book reviews, I'm moving on to movies, or more specifically, movies released in 2009. Admittedly it's an incomplete list, as some of the movies I didn't see (but had every intention of seeing) included Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying (Tina Fey! Ricky Gervais! How did I miss this one?), 500 Days of Summer, and Extract, which I wanted to see knowing full well it would be terrible, but I just have a thing about most things Jason Bateman is in even though really nothing besides Arrested Development was all that great.

There was no shortage of terrible movies that came out in 2009, including Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body, District 9, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (was the book too hard to read?), and Transformers 2, quite accurately reviewed by friend of the blog Josh of The Josh Show.

So now that I've given you a little background about what I did not see this year, here's some of what I did see and enjoy.

December 7th- Up

December 8th- Funny People

December 9th- Public Enemies

_______________________

The Hangover (Available from Amazon.com)

Was there a more outstanding movie released in 2009? Well, OK, in my opinion, yes there was, but we'll get to that tomorrow. This movie was such a close second that most people will probably disagree with me, and they'll have a very very strong point. The Hangover was absolutely outstanding. I don't think I stopped laughing at any point throughout the movie.

Odds are everyone out there has seen this movie already, which saves me the difficulty of having to work at recapping any of it (which I probably wouldn't have done a good job of anyway). If you haven't, then you've truly missed out. If you have, then you know what this is all about:

There's supposedly going to be a sequel of The Hangover released some time in 2011, which means that some studio executive definitely looked like this

after seeing The Hangover become the top-grossing R-rated comedy film of all time. I'm always kind of wary about sequels, but as long as they stop after 2 I think it'll be OK. Too many Hangovers would be like too many Saw movies- you'd just have to keep upping the ante and making things more ludicrous and it'd become downright unwatchable.

Hopefully this movie means more outstanding things for some of the actors involved, who have been pretty good in other roles. Ed Helms is someone I've always found entertaining on The Office, though Andy Bernard is clearly becoming more annoying as the show itself deteriorates. Zach Galifianakis was phenomenal in Out Cold, the only movie that makes the year's first snowfall acceptable. ZG also made a special guest appearance in Mike Proper's Halloween Costume so here's hoping we see more of him.

Another positive of this movie: you get to see Heather Graham topless!

You don't get to see that on this blog though. But how about another picture to make up for it?

There we go.

There were a couple of complaints I had about this movie. First of all, shouldn't it have been called The Blackout? Another problem is that when this movie came out, you heard some kind of comparison to Dude, Where's My Car? which was bad because it reminded people that movie existed. Surely, all of America had forgotten about it until it reminded them. The Hangover created a whole minor genre where people would get blackout drunk and do crazy things, like an episode of CSI: Miami where the murder was committed by two guys who were too drunk to remember it. Tragically not murdered in that episode- Lt. Horatio Cain.

Are blackouts really that phenomenally eventful and I'm just doing it wrong? All I can ever seem to accomplish is buying Pita Pit, then waking up and finding out that my pita is gone and apparently somebody else ate it. That somebody else was me, I just lost track of that section of time. Anybody think that's interesting enough for The Hangover 3?

If you liked the insane hilarity of The Hangover, you might also enjoy:

• I think it's fair to say that this movie doesn't really have a peer. Amazon.com says that people who bought The Hangover also apparently bought Four Christmases. I really hope they're lying about some of these "people also bought" choices, or else I might change my pro-capitalism beliefs. However, if you're looking for outrageous comedy, you definitely can't go wrong with:
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Amazon) (Seasons 1-4 for $56.99... I'd call that a phenomenal deal... just saying)
• 30 Rock has a level of randomness not even close to The Hangover, but it's incredibly entertaining, and not enough people watch it (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Public Enemies

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

After a week of horribly written book reviews, I'm moving on to movies, or more specifically, movies released in 2009. Admittedly it's an incomplete list, as some of the movies I didn't see (but had every intention of seeing) included Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying (Tina Fey! Ricky Gervais! How did I miss this one?), 500 Days of Summer, and Extract, which I wanted to see knowing full well it would be terrible, but I just have a thing about most things Jason Bateman is in even though really nothing besides Arrested Development was all that great.

There was no shortage of terrible movies that came out in 2009, including Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body, District 9, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (was the book too hard to read?), and Transformers 2, quite accurately reviewed by friend of the blog Josh of The Josh Show.

So now that I've given you a little background about what I did not see this year, here's some of what I did see and enjoy.

December 7th- Up

December 8th- Funny People

_______________________

Public Enemies (Available from Amazon.com)

Public Enemies was a very important film for the MidWest, as it was based upon the true story of notorious bank robber John Dillinger, widely regarded as the only man born in Indiana to ever do anything remotely interesting. But what about Larry Bird? no one will ask, because Larry Bird was exactly as boring to watch as he was talented, but that's not the point.

One of the things I found interesting about this movie is that Johnny Depp actually portrayed a normal character for once. Dillinger was charming, convincing, and intimidating, and Depp did a fantastic job of pulling that off.

It's got a little bit of something for both genders as well- some attractive males for the ladies to look at, and most of these attractive men dying in the movie so the dudes don't feel threatened. I'm serious.

Channing Tatum?

Dead. He dies so shortly after the movie starts, he may as well leave it off his resume. I didn't even know it was him at first, and I've seen She's The Man enough times to know who's Channing Tatum and who isn't.

Christian Bale?

OK, well, not dead, but he's a total jerk in this movie. So just like I've done to others, I should be criticizing him for not acting.

America's Heartthrob Kelly Twomey?

Tragically had his scene cut from the final edition of the movie.

Johnny Depp?

Dead. But not like he was at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 2. The real kind. Oh, whoops, forgot the spoiler warning. But like I said, this is all based on a true story. And Pirates 2 came out several years ago, so if you hadn't seen it yet, you probably weren't going to anyway so your anger is unfounded.

One of the interesting things I read in the newspaper around the time of this movie's premiere was that while Dillinger lay dead in the street shortly after being shot (because how could he be dead before he got shot? Unless he had a DeLorean...), people took newspaper clippings that they had saved with stories about Dillinger and dipped them in his blood as a keepsake. And you thought that Americans were too obsessed with this whole Tiger Woods thing. (Seriously though, you're the richest and most recognizable athlete in the world probably. What are you doing cheating on your beautiful Swedish wife with a hostess from Perkins? Even I could pull a waitress at IHOP. Unimpressed.)

But right, the movie. Um, well, it's really good, and you should buy it. It's a little on the long side, but it's definitely worth your time. I'm very much not a fan of action movies for the most part, so the fact that this is the 3rd best movie I saw this year should really tell you how strong Public Enemies was.

Other movies you may also like if you're not still mad at me over ruining the ending of Pirates 2 for you:

Like I said, not much of an action fan. I looked to Amazon for help at first, but apparently the people who bought Public Enemies also bought Julie & Julia. So instead, here are two other moves that I did not see, but looked pretty good.

• Inglorious Basterds (Amazon)
• The Taking of Pelham 123 (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- Funny People

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

After a week of horribly written book reviews, I'm moving on to movies, or more specifically, movies released in 2009. Admittedly it's an incomplete list, as some of the movies I didn't see (but had every intention of seeing) included Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying (Tina Fey! Ricky Gervais! How did I miss this one?), 500 Days of Summer, and Extract, which I wanted to see knowing full well it would be terrible, but I just have a thing about most things Jason Bateman is in even though really nothing besides Arrested Development was all that great.

There was no shortage of terrible movies that came out in 2009, including Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body, District 9, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (was the book too hard to read?), and Transformers 2, quite accurately reviewed by friend of the blog Josh of The Josh Show.

So now that I've given you a little background about what I did not see this year, here's some of what I did see and enjoy.

December 7th- Up

_______________________

Funny People (Available from Amazon.com)

The Google image search that turned up that picture came with the caption "Not funny enough." It's fairly accurate. Longtime readers will recall that I was incredibly excited for this movie to come out, only to wind up confused and a little disappointed when I finally saw it. So how did it end up as #4 on my list?

Well, after some careful counting, it turns out I only saw about 8 movies that came out in 2009 this year. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was too similar to Up, and Up was better. I came away from District 9 with the opinion we should be showing it to Gitmo detainees since waterboarding is not allowed anymore. I also saw Love Happens, but leaving that off this list is a minor victory for my manliness, which is already struggling for, well, many reasons.

I think more than anything else, I was disappointed that Funny People wasn't what I wanted it to be. It wasn't as funny as the title suggested it might be, but it certainly had its moments. Part of the problem is that I built up Aziz Ansari's Randy character a bit too much, which was a mistake considering he had like 7 seconds of screen time in the entire movie (Word on the street is that Randy will have a movie of his own soon enough. Couple that with Ansari's Comedy Central Special coming out in January and it looks like there are more laughs ahead).

So what does this movie leave you with, if it's not as funny as you'd think? Well, for starters, Seth Rogen actually acts for a change. He doesn't just portray some bizarro version of himself, doing jokes about masturbation and smoking pot, but actually plays a character with feelings! Same goes for Adam Sandler; this may not be his crowning achievement, but thanks to Funny People I wouldn't attack him in the street if I saw him, much like he probably deserved for You Don't Mess With The Zohan.

I'm actually also interested in seeing this on DVD for all of the deleted scenes. There's very little I love more than DVD deleted scenes, and these should be good. Most of Judd Apatow's movies have had deleted scenes and bonus discs that were as fun to watch as the movie itself.

This is the part where I would love to write a good summary paragraph and convince you to purchase this movie. However, in all honesty, I'm not very convincing (though I did convince 5 people to see this movie with me the night that it came out. I did the same thing with Snakes on a Plane, so maybe I'm more persuasive than I'd imagine. Of course, this blog isn't an effective tool for badgering people into doing what I want if they don't already read it). So maybe this time, I'll set my sights low and aim for attainability: seeing this movie is far from the worst decision you will ever make, and there is at least a 74% chance that it will not cause you to suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

Other movies you will probably love just because Judd Apatow put his name on them

• Forgetting Sarah Marshall/Knocked Up/ 40 Year Old Virgin as one collector's edition- AKA you buying someone the best gift EVER! (Amazon)
• Superbad (Amazon)
• Heavyweights (NOT starring Andy Richter, contrary to not-so-popular belief) (Amazon)
• You Don't Mess With the Zohan Just kidding. If someone ever suggests that you watch that movie, you should seek immediate legal action upon them.

My Favorite Things- Up

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here.

After a week of horribly written book reviews, I'm moving on to movies, or more specifically, movies released in 2009. Admittedly it's an incomplete list, as some of the movies I didn't see (but had every intention of seeing) included Couples Retreat, The Invention of Lying (Tina Fey! Ricky Gervais! How did I miss this one?), 500 Days of Summer, and Extract, which I wanted to see knowing full well it would be terrible, but I just have a thing about most things Jason Bateman is in even though really nothing besides Arrested Development was all that great.

There was no shortage of terrible movies that came out in 2009, including Sorority Row, Jennifer's Body, District 9, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (was the book too hard to read?), and Transformers 2, quite accurately reviewed by friend of the blog Josh of The Josh Show.

So now that I've given you a little background about what I did not see this year, here's some of what I did see and enjoy.

_______________________

UP (Available from Amazon.com)

By no means am I in the target audience for this film. I'm 22 years old, college educated (arguably), and male. But I'll always have a special love for anything that Pixar creates because they just make such fantastic movies, and Up was no exception.

Up starts off with the main character, Carl, as a young boy who loves adventure. He meets a girl of about the same age named Ellie with a similar desire for adventure. Naturally, they fall in love, get married, and grow old together. Their childhood dream of moving to Paradise Falls in South America motivates them, but events in their life prevent them from ever making the trip. Ellie passes away, and Carl is sad and bitter. What makes this whole scene so powerful is that the majority of this whole process takes place within about 5 minutes and is done more or less silently (possibly completely silently... it's been a while since I've seen it).

As if losing his wife isn't bad enough, the powers that be (or The Man, if you prefer) want to tear down Carl's house, his last remaining connection to his beloved wife, and turn it into some kind of mega mall. Then the American legal system creates some kind of triumph that intends to send Carl to a retirement home, and it looks like his home is good as gone.

But ol' Carl's not a quitter, and he decides he can keep his home and his promise to Ellie to move to Paradise Falls by tying a bunch of balloons to his house and letting it fly away!

Oops, wrong picture.

(It's about here in searching for these images on Google that I discovered there are apparently some weird sex fetish sites involving balloons out there on the internet. I guess it proves the old adage true- if you can make it, somebody will probably masturbate to it)

If you are still with me at this point, revealing the rest of the plot to you might lose you, because surprisingly it gets more unbelievable after that. But obviously a realistic film isn't the goal here. This film takes you on an adventure, and leaves you with a smile on your face at the end. Seeing it in 3D in the theater was quite an outstanding experience.

Ultimately, if you're ever in the mood for a movie that will have you feeling like a kid again, Up is a fantastic way to do that. Even if you're far too old for that sort of thing.

Other movies you will like if you are old enough that seeing it in theaters might get you a visit from Chris Hanson

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (Amazon)

Finding Nemo (Amazon)

Toy Story (Amazon)

Toy Story 2 (Amazon)

My Favorite Things- "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch

America received some terrible news recently: Oprah Winfrey is ending her show! Now who will indoctrinate the women of America and tell them what to think- and more importantly, what to buy for Christmas gifts? To the surprise of nobody, I got the idea that I am the man for the job.

Oprah often does segments on her show called Oprah's Favorite Things where her mere opinion will create a buying frenzy for whatever silly item she decides is necessary for the stay-at-home-moms of America to own.

To help jumpstart the economy, I'll be running my own Favorite Things segment every weekday from now until Christmas Eve. To keep me from just posting a picture of Tina Fey every day, I'll limit it to items you can buy (since apparently women are no longer objects... who knew?). Each week will have a different category. All topics will have this same header on it, so once you've read this the first time, you won't have to re-read it. You can read about all of my favorite things here

This week's (November 30th) topic: books!

November 30th- Home Ice by Jack Falla

December 1st- To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

December 2nd- I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert

December 3rd- The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

_______________________

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch (available from Amazon.com)

The last entry for my week of horribly constructed book reviews is probably my favorite book (Despite it coming two days late, you'll probably notice that I didn't spend that time improving the overall quality of the review; instead I just spent a portion of my Sunday trying to make it look like I wrote it on Friday).

The book was written by Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University. He was invited to participate in CMU's Last Lecture series, which was created with the intention to have professors speak about what was truly most important to them, shortly before learning he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He decided to use the opportunity to convey what he felt were some important life lessons to his young children, with the understanding that they may resonate more with them as they grew older even though he was no longer around. The book covers this speech, along with a lot of other topics Pausch felt were important to him.

I don't really feel I can do this book justice without giving away too much of it. All I can tell you is that it's worth your time to read. I myself have read it several times, and had certain passages I would re-read before job interviews or other things that seemed relatively important just because I thought it offered some good perspectives and put me in a pleasant mindset.

Read this book. Buy many copies of it, and give them to friends, family, co-workers, etc. Buy hardcover copies of this book and throw them at your enemies. Hopefully instead of throwing the book back at you, they will keep it and read it themselves, and then possibly throw it at a different enemy of theirs in some kind of twisted Pay It Forward scenario. But if nothing else, check it out from your local library.